Satire

As many of you know and many of you don’t, I am spending this semester in the land of Indian food and Vodka: Scotland!

Since I’ve been here I’ve realized many important things, but two really standout.

First, I feel a weird obligation to write something. Instead of starting a blog comprised of tales about exotic foods, out of focus pictures of things you can see on google images, and how much I’ve grown emotionally I have decided to do my fellow man a favor. I’m going to write something else.

Second, being outside of the states has made me very dependent on many media outlets in order to stay informed. And after a month of being here I don’t like what I’m seeing. News companies across the globe have been using facts and contorting them to fit their personal political agendas.

So here’s what I’m going to do: I’m going to pull together my journalistic talents, which have produced some of the most shameful work in the history of the University of Oklahoma’s journalism department (see feature of Safe Ride vs. Uber), with my unique perspective– as someone who has spent countless hours of watching TV and experimenting with mind-altering substances– to bring you the news. No agenda, no facts, no boundaries. Just the sensationalist smut that will make feel proud to be a citizen of earth.

I know, many of you are worried about how you are going to keep up with this hard-hitting flow of content that my staff and I will be producing, but fear not. Starting now, I am revamping my twitter account into a fully functional source for all Fainsworld News. Unfortunately, this means the charming WWE Subway and Deadspin retweets that you all can’t seem to get enough of have seen their last days. While it’s sad, I’m excited for this new endeavor of producing my own content.

Fainsworld News is committed not to the truth you need to hear, but the truth you want to hear.

Disclaimer: Sue me, bitches.

 

 

 

Disclaimer to disclaimer: Please don’t. This is all fake.

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