FWN Sports: Greatest Stoner Athletes of All-Time

In light of 4/20, our sports department ascended from the pile of Chinese take-out boxes they’ve been buried under and paused their Top Chef marathon to compose a list of the Top 5 greatest stoner athletes ever.

Criteria: We tried to steer-clear of the one puff pass, “I don’t smoke anymore, but I sold all the time in high school”  rookies that we’ve all had to deal with one time too many. However, on-field performance is just as important to us as cannabis consumption (sorry Josh Gordon).

As always, let us know what you think. You comments are always appreciated, and equally unexpected.

5.) Robert Parrish

chief

Fitting that our first athlete was nicknamed ‘Chief’. While the alias was more of a reference to 1950s American literature than weed, the 9-time NBA All-Star had no alibi for the 5 ounces of chron the pigs snuffed out of a Fed Ex package addressed to his San Francisco home in 1993. You’d be hard pressed to find anyone who has worn the Celtics’ green more honorably than Parrish.

4.) Von Miller

Miller

Let’s give the Super Bowl MVP some love.  Though many believe he has laid off the Colorado good-good since serving a 6 game suspension in 2013 for attempting to falsify a mandatory drug test, the glasses in Miller’s picture say otherwise. Those things scream of a man who spends his free time loading bong bowls and listening to Vance Joy in the dark. They probably don’t even have lenses in them.

3.) Michael Phelps

Phelps

A man whose 2008 was mired in California green almost as much as it was Olympic gold, Phelps became the poster child for young stoners trying to convince their parents that weed isn’t so bad everywhere. While Phelps has done his best to stay out of the weed smoking limelight, the picture of him taking the most decorated bong rip in Olympic history will forever be imprinted on our minds.

2.) Bill Walton

Walton

While Walton had a 2 year span from 1977-79 where he was the best basketball player on the face of the earth, it was historic run at UCLA in the early 70s where Walton gained the most notoriety. It was also during this era when Walton submersed himself into the bountiful, mind-expanding fruits of the anti-war movement. And even though ‘Big Red’ hasn’t been public about his use of the herb since that time, his tie-dye shirts, admiration for The Grateful Dead, and refusal to leave the state of California are all pretty good indicators that Walton is still in the game.

1.) Ricky Williams

Ricky

No Athlete has ever given more of his blood, sweat, and tears to Marijuana than this Heisman Trophy winner. In 2005, while leading the NFL in rushing yards, Williams was also dealing with an on-going battle against mental illness as well as the urge to get hella stoned.  Naturally, and much to the dismay of a bunch of disappointed, 40-year-old, white dudes, Williams left the Dolphins mid-season and moved to Australia to smoke doobies and live in a tent. Williams sorted his shit out, and was back in Miami and on the gridiron by 2007. He continued to contribute the Dolphins running game until 2010.

 

 

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