Weed Dealer ‘Devistated’ By Christe Drop-out. States ‘end is near’

chrisOVERLAND PARK, KS – This morning Chris Christie decided to suspend his presidential campaign. While many Americans could care less about this, a local marijuana dealer thinks the clock is about to strike midnight for his ‘business’.

It’s no secret that the New Jersey governor was the biggest opponent to marijuana reform out of all the presidential candidates, citing federal law and a disdain for epileptic children as his main reasons for the stance. With the federalist Christie’s recent exit we are now left with only presidential candidates whom, at the very least, believe that states have a right to decide if the drug is legal or not.

An unnamed source told FWN that he has been ‘pushing O’s’ for years, and makes enough money to pay the rent in order to live in his parent’s basement without having to get a ‘real job’. However, he worries that without the rotund governor making policy his home state of Kansas will eventually legalize.

“It really sucks, bro,” the source said while weighing out an eighth. “I really felt like we had a guy (Christie) who had our backs. I’ve got a buddy who use to sell in Colorado, and was living on the streets just 2 months after legalization.”

Our source, who prays his parents won’t be so unruly, is considering a move to a less weed-friendly Afghanistan if the situation worsens.

A spokesperson has yet to comment on the matter, but reports believe Christie suspended his campaign because of a poor performance in the New Hampshire primary and what one can only assume to be ‘extremely high’ blood pressure.







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